2014年6月10日 星期二

影片心得分享: The power of vulnerability Brené Brown(中三B 00111208 江尉慈)

Brene Brown: 脆弱的力量 (The power of vulnerability)
Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

感想:
Brene認為:「連結,是我們在這裡的原因。」(what you realize is that connection is why we're here.)這句話提醒了我們,在生活中我們漸漸遺忘的一個重要的珍貴東西。一開始看影片並不理解她所謂的「連結」是範圍多大多廣的一個定義,但她接著解釋那是讓我們生命被賦予意義的東西,似乎漸漸開始有那麼一點明白她所想告訴聽眾的。「連結」基本上是從人體的神經來延伸,擴展至一個大的概念,包含我們的情感、人際關係甚至涵蓋整個生活,不得不承認,生活就是一個個鏈結所相互環扣的。

「當你問人們關於愛的故事時,他們會告訴你心碎的故事;當你問人們關於歸屬的故事時,他們會告訴你那些他們被排除在外的椎心經驗;當你問人們關於連結的故事時,他們會告訴你那些分離的故事。」(when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.
「後來我發現,有強烈愛與歸屬感的人,與掙扎的人之間,只有一個可變因素──就是,那些有強烈愛與歸屬感的人,相信他們是值得愛與歸屬的。就這樣。」(There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.
「他們有著承認不完美的勇氣。他們能關愛自己、對自己好之後,再對別人好。」(And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others
「最後,他們都有著連結。這是困難的部份。就是『真實性』的結果。他們願意放下他們『想成為』的自己,為了做真正的自己、而為了與人連結,就必須這麼做。」(And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.
「他們另一個共通點是:坦蕩的接受脆弱(accept vulnerability)。他們相信,脆弱讓他們更美麗。脆弱是必須的,於是他們願意先說我愛你、願意去做那些不保證有結果的事、願意在乳房X光檢查後深呼吸,等待醫生的回電、願意投入一場戀愛,不論結果好不好。」(The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

我非常喜歡最後這一段話:「脆弱是必須的」,或許用脆弱來說,在中文字義上不那麼精準,但它確實表達了我們生命中所有缺陷,任何挫折、沮喪、悲傷,種種不完美的事情,不說它是必須的,但我們不得不承認,這些「限制」是無法排除的,真正的積極是從認清限制、體認自己的基礎上,不去想太多有受傷的可能,而盡力的去試圖完成理想,打破自己畫地自限的框架。這並非要是偏執的固執己見,或是一昧地往前衝卻失去了原有的分際,而是在人生的可能上,盡情地延伸妳所能的力量。俗套一點來說,過去的偉人們,多數也都是不斷地努力做著當時旁人眼裡中愚蠢至極,幾乎不可能成功的事,而誰現在又能說他們沒為這個世界做了那麼一丁點的改變呢?當然我們或許是平凡的人,但卻也要相信自己,即使會受傷會失望而覺得失落,但別害怕這樣的脆弱,「願意去做那些不保證有結果的事」(the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees),因為人生中的許多美好,都來自與他人之間的連結。當你放棄了與人的真誠連結,小心翼翼地避開以避免受傷,其實同時也是放棄了真實的快樂,沒有嘗試便沒有可能性。

「我們生活在脆弱的世界裡,而我們應付脆弱的其中一個方式,就是麻痺脆弱感(numb)。但你無法『選擇』麻痺的情感。你不能說,我不喜歡悲傷、羞恥、害怕、失望等等,就去喝啤酒和吃香蕉堅果鬆餅解悶。」(You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

如果因為害怕失去、害怕被拒絕、害怕自己看起來不如預期,而全部的可能性都被自己推開。但是,這些脆弱仍然是真實存在的,所以每一次的失去和畏懼,都格外地鮮明,每一次抗拒這些脆弱,反而讓自己更脆弱。這就是為什麼有些人已經失去了愛人的能力,甚至也不相信自己值得被愛,更不懂得什麼是愛。所謂的愛不僅是伴侶之間的愛,包括所有我們生命中的可能連結,那些在妳周遭的朋友、親人,甚至是同一條街上的住戶、巷口的早餐店阿姨等等,都是生命中有緣份的人,只是連結的強度差異。所以無法排除生命裡的連結,只為了保護自己在一個獨立空間裡不受傷害,因為害怕脆弱而不願意相信連結產生喜樂的可能,這更是得不償失。即使知道這段關係不一定通往永恆,不一定有保證,卻還是願意去相信、去嘗試,去學習著怎麼與人建立起信任的連結,方才有機會活出生命的種種可能和色彩。

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